.
To my son Arlie, (1972 – May 25, 2017)
.
Now I understand
the keening wail,
the rocking forwards,
backwards
so different
from the lullaby
the cradling
from long ago.
It’s forward, release,
forward
release
the pain
as it bursts through
a damn
in the solar plexus.
.
The medics came
from experience
guessing it was a heart attack.
He had keened
his own losses
too many times.
We rock and release,
rock
and release
the keening wail,
the keening wheel
that won’t stop turning
around and around
and around.
.
(c) 2017 Betty Hayes Albright
Seasonings 
Please say nothing dreadful had happened 💜
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It’s dreadful, yes… he was a kind, gentle soul. Thank you, Willow. 💕
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Pain has its own sad music and you sing it here.
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Thank you so much… This is something every parent dreads.
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Beautiful words. May you find comfort and release in your art.
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Oh Tammy, it’s so nice to hear from you. Thank you for your supportive words. It’s a rough time…
Sorry I’m not around on FB much to keep up with you but I do think of you and your family often. 💙 Sending a hug…
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Oh! Betty I am so sorry, I have two sons in their forties and one in his thirties I cannot begin to feel your pain. I am reaching out to you send you love and peace. Sadly this will take time but you will grow from this , I know you will. God bring you and your family comfort. 💜
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Thank you Willow. I’ve always heard that losing a child at any age was the very worst loss. I And it is. May your sons live long, happy lives. (I have an older son – they were just 18 months apart and very close so he’s having a hard time too.)
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My two older boys are 21 months apart and I can empathise how deeply your older lad is affected. It’s an old saying but time will help and he will always be with you in your heart.💜💜
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You’re right, Willow. Thank you for empathizing, and I know you’re right. Time will help. And I’m feeling his presence, which also helps.
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Thinking of you all Betty and wishing you all well. 💜
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💙
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Night Betty sleep well 💜
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Thank you, you too 💕
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There are no words to console such a loss or the pain….peace be with you shall be my prayer.
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Thank you, Charlie. The perfect prayer…
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I am so sorry.
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Your caring words are appreciated, Crow.
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I’m dreadfully sorry to learn of this, Betty; such a terrible pain to bear. Your poem is wonderful by the way – those lines speak so eloquently. With warmest wishes, yours, John
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John, thank you very much for your caring words. I truly appreciate hearing from you.
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When I had cancer, after Kevin had died, a Navajo medicine man took me into a hogan near his home on a mountain in Arizona. The ceremony he conducted took a long time, and time itself seemed to shift inside that hogan. I do not speak Navajo, but his speaking and singing, and even his movements, eased the complex of pain and fear and immense sadness (even numbness) I was feeling in that moment. I cannot be a Navajo medicine man with the power granted by the inheritance of a crystal handed down from one medicine man to another over centuries, Betty. But if I could give you the song of that medicine man (his name was Raymond Redhouse), I would, and I would extend that song to the entire family of your son.
In your poetry the song of the mysterious earth, the earth beyond the seeing of human eyes, rises into images that dance and tease our sense into seeing what is just beyond what we can really see. May that seeing rise into your spirit and help you and all of your son’s family get through the difficult days. I remember thinking during a similar time that there was a darkness that I had never discerned before even during a day of intense sun. Metaphorically I think I can promise you that the sun will become like the sun used to be again. Pain passes, but sadness and remembering do not go away quite as easily. Both of those are part of a lifetime.
May your reach the deepness inside yourself. May you be sitting in a hogan as a medicine man’s gentle voice banishes the outside and shifts time in a way that helps you get through the difficulty of days that should not exist, but affect all of humanity during the short days of our lives. May Betty Hayes Albright be again what she has always been, a spirit that sees beyond seeing and discerns the way the rain falls in a mist that awakes the beauty in all of our souls.
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Thomas, this is a beautiful comment. I will imagine myself in that hogan, listening to and watching this medicine man. And I’ll be back to read your eloquent words many times. This has helped me – thank you so much!
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Betty I cannot believe I’ve found this worst horror of yours just by accident today. It is a terrible terrible event the dread of which I carry with me almost always. Maybe only parents can understand. I don’t think the children CAN. But siblings understand I think. And then there is the comfort, however partial, of Spirit.
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I think you’re right, that it’s hard to fully understand unless one has children of their own – of any age. It truly is my worst nightmare come true. Thank you so much for your supportive words.
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I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Betty. Your son is the same age as my oldest son. I cannot imagine yet but I know it will come soon enough. Thinking of you.
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Thank you for your kind thoughts, Renee. This is a rough one….
What month was your son born? Arlie would be turning 45 in July. I’ll be dreading his b-day.
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Kris just turned 45 in April. We have a distant relationship. Since he returned, after his fourth tour of duty before he retired from the Army, he seems much different than before. He was in communications and did not shoot a gun but saw things none of us should. He doesn’t talk about it and I haven’t seen him since after my heart surgery. I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and hope the time in July is one where you can remember good times concerning your son. Take care.
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Renee, I’m sorry to hear about that “distance”. Four tours of duty changes a person and I’m sure that’s been hard on you. Sometimes being a parent is painful. I hope things improve in time.
Thank you again for your caring thoughts.
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Betty, did this awful thing happen? My heart goes out to you in complete sympathy. God bless you and your son!
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Steven, I’ve been thinking of you, and also Thomas and Ethel. My son died last Thursday unexpectedly. It’s been horrible, especially since we don’t know the cause and he was all alone. They’re guessing a heart attack. We’ll find out this week. Now I understand first hand what you’ve gone through. It has helped hearing from the three of you who’ve been there. Thank you so much for your supportive words.
How have you been doing? I know it’s still very fresh for you too, and hope that you’re doing as well as possible.
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Betty, so very sorry to learn of your loss. Your poem perfectly captures the pitch of pain and sets our everyday concerns in perspective.
My heart goes out to you and yours.
Paul
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Thank you, Paul, for your kind thoughts.
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Betty, all the words and poems can’t relieve the loss of a loved one, I’ve written many and when the day comes round, the one we can’t bare to put on the calendar, the words and poems go out the window. Yet still we write them.
x
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You’re right, Martin. Yet still we write them. If nothing else it’s good therapy. Thank you for your poetic comment, dear sir.
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Betty. I’m so sorry to learn of your loss. I pray at least time will bring some relief. God bless you and your’s.
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Qaiser, thank you, with much appreciation.
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Oh, I’m so sorry. I just came over via Ebbtide, and as I read your poem felt shivers down my spine thinking of your loss. So very sad.
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Thank you, Val. These have been the hardest days of my life. I’m glad you visited my blog and i’ll be over to visit yours soon.
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Dearest, Betty. I am so very sorry to hear of your immense loss. Sending much love to you and yours at this difficult time and hope that healing comes through your memories of Arlie and his continued presence in your most private moments and as you share through your lovely poetry. XO ❤
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Dear Diane, thank you for your eloquent message. Our whole family is hurting so much…I know life will never be the same but every word of consolation helps. Much gratitude. 💙
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Dear Betty, I am so sorry to hear about your son, Arlie. With love and prayers, Ellen
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Thank you, Ellen, I appreciate your kind words – and also your lovely blog with photos that are food for the soul.
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My apology for not reading back and reading this dear Betty. I would say you are so strong, but I know nothing I only wish dearly you did not have to endure this, that your son were not passed especially at such a young age. It just is so wrong. Your love for him stands, he walks in you. But he should not have been denied a long life and yet people we love are, and that will never be okay. My new friend i am glad to know you and already care and am keeping you in my thoughts and heart. I don’t not think there are reasons for everything but nothing destroys love.
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Thank you, I appreciate your caring words very much. And you’re right, nothing destroys love. That is a most comforting thought. 💙
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You are a lovely lady I would never wish you this pain, I hope so much you are loved and can find meaning in that and I’m very glad to know you here♡
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And I you. 💮
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There are 2 things I am going to do now…. Tomorrow I will apologise to my mother for all the trouble I am causing for her despite the issues going on in the house …
Secondly I will apologise to you because I do feel bad for you loss but i do not know how you feel as I am only a son and who’s barely an adult (that too only physically … Just turned 18 a few months back XD )
Oh ! Lovely poem by the way 🙂
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Your comment is very kind, thank you. The best thing you can do for your mom is to take really good care of yourself and never take each other for granted. And keep writing! Maybe you’ll be famous one day. 😁 Thank you again!
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Yes I will take care of mom and myself and you take care of yourself too 😊.
I will definitely keep blogging 😉
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Thank you, I will. 😊
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Dearest Betty, I returned to your blog this morning to see if you were still writing and saw this poem which brought a lump in my throat and tears to my eyes. I hope by now you have found out what caused Arlie’s death and maybe by knowing you have found some understanding…and too some solace. It is every parent’s worst nightmare and I am deeply sorry that you and all his loved ones have to suffer this immeasurable grief. I hold you and your family in light and love and may peace be yours in spite of this grievous loss. As you feel his presence near, may you remember the joy that he brought you in life. Much love and healing hugs for you. Gayle
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Dear Gayle, thank you so much for your words of support and comfort. Yes, we now know that he had an undiagnosed enlarged heart which failed. The coroner said it probably happened quickly which is a comfort knowing his suffering was minimal. He was alone when it happened so we’ll never really know exactly, which will make it hard to ever find closure. But maybe there’s no such thing as closure when it comes to our kids. It does help that I feel his presence though. Thank you again, Gayle, for your empathetic kindness.
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No, I can’t imagine that there is much “closure” when it comes to our children passing away before we do, Betty. I believe that he is with you when you feel him and he is letting you know that he is okay now and I’m sure hopes that you don’t mourn too very much. Bless you sweet friend, my heart is with you. Love, Gayle
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Thank you Gayle, your kind words are comforting once again. I have conversations with him in my head, and real or not that helps too.
Thank you again, for your friendship here. 💙
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No words are able to express my empathy, since I know there are no words to comfort you, especially from a stranger … but empathy there is, and wishes for strength and light.
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Thank you, your kind words and empathy are very much a comfort. I appreciate your being here. 💓💕
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💓💕
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Betty, I’m honored by your visit today. Please know I’m sending you strength and comfort while surrounding your family in prayer.
Your poetry is lovely. I’m thankful our paths have crossed,
Audrey
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Thank you so much, Audrey, for your caring comment. I’ve seen you regularly on Ben Naga’s blog, so it’s about time we met.
With much appreciation for be your presence here,
Betty
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Yes, Ben has a way using his poetry to speak gently into his readers. I’ve learned a lot by following his poetry. I look forward to getting to know you, as well. I love this community of poets. 🙂
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Me too. It has been rewarding interacting with other poets here. And I agree, Ben is a most wise and compassionate teacher. 😁
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🙂
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beautiful, beautiful …
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Thank you most sincerely!
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